...About men... (continuation)

How to build a relationship with a modern men

At this time I would like to share with my vision of what is happening in Russia today between men and women (sometimes it is very hard to call IT relationships).

I suppose, that some men could have emotional spasms and / or disruptive reaction after reading my thoughts. But I emphasize that I only give my personal opinion on the matter and some colorful examples.

So, in my previous post I stressed that I was born in Siberia, and currently I’m living in Moscow, for a certain purpose. This is very important for my piecewise and discordant narratives: I am going to make comparisons between the men from THERE, Siberia, and from HERE, Moscow. I think that women and girls from non-Siberian REGIONS (as people commonly called from HERE call all places different from Moscow) will recognize the very similar situations that happed with them.

I would like to begin that first time I was able to estimate Moscow’s male population was six years ago, when I came to Moscow to receive the Masters degree. And the first thing that was caught by my eye is a large number of young metrosexual men who are trying to make acquaintance with the impression, create an aura of supermen around themselves, but after a closer look you can realize – there is nothing inside them.


Once I was walking home from subway in the rain - umbrella was absolutely useless. I met a couple: a boy and a girl who was wrapping in her already soaking wet jacket. The guy was walking slowly. Most likely they came out from cinema and walked to subway station, the distance from one to another is about 600 meters. If I were this guy would catch a car and spend 100  roubles to give a lift my DRY girlfriend.

But now it is so important. The more important is a fact that men from HERE have forgotten how to charm women and take care of them and they don’t really want to make any favor to women. In Moscow (as, perhaps, in some European countries, as well as in the U.S.), a man willing to make any charm and favor to women looks at like it is service. In other words, he expects that he will have something in return. What is SOMETHIG, I think, everyone can guess. And it doesn’t matter if we a talking about rescuing woman’s life, or about hammering a nail... well, now I’m paltering, because I can hammer a nail by myself.

It is common practice in THERE (Siberia - just recalling) that when even not so familiar man meets a girl, and they are on the way, he offers to carry her bags.  And I can give you millions of stories about how guys (living in the dorm, I have to say) were repairing faucets, computers, hanging shelves just for cup of tea, or a meal.

 Once in HERE I was on my way back to my apartment from airport having suitcase and my skiing, one men age of 40 or something cussed me out for the fact that I almost hit him with my ski... rather than help me to get into a train...KNIGHT!

I think the most appropriate epigraph for Moscow – "time is money", and the guy from HERE at best will  offer to pay for a professional repairman  rather than make a favor and help by himself... Yes, sometimes we have financial difficulties, but if I ask him to help, it means that trust him... Usually I can pay for repair services by myself.

Here is another good example from my life. After breaking up with my husband during six months I was living with friend who was the only sing one among all my friends. By the will of fate, we were forced to leave this apartment and move to another. My situation was complicated by the fact that I was supposed to transfer my staff a new rented apartment from two places –  an apartment where I lived during the marriage, and the apartment where we lived with my friend. I have to confess that I have quite a lot of staff. Renting a gazelle (NOTE: russian mini-van) was difficult for me because all my money was stolen from my account. I asked almost all my friends, including closest ones (what I would do without them :-)). I also asked M1 (he is from HERE, Moscow), and M2, who had studied in Novosibirsk in my University, he is almost from THERE, Siberia, if they could help me to transfer my staff.
Prior to the start of “the Great Move”, I agreed that M1 will help my friend with the transportation of things from her apartment, and M2 will help with relocation of things from the apartment where I lived previously with a husband. As for evil, in the apartment of my ex-husband I left my cell phone. M1 was unable to get through to me and decided to just not come.
Simultaneously, during a conversation about whether he could help me with the movement M2 posed two questions: if I have large-dimensioned things (if he need to come at big car), and whether there would be any other guys with whom he could have hauled things. Moreover, he brought for assistance one of his friend,  whom I did not know. And after I said that I am embarrassed about assistance of unknown people, he replied: "Forget, he helps me...”
As it turned out, his friend too is  from Siberia.

Facing several times with the men's practical approach in helping us (women), and after hearing it once drunk talk of few Muscovites  I do not expect any unselfish help from men for free.

I remember another illustrative case: often I use subway, and after entering a train I realize that all the seats are occupied and 50-60% of the seats are occupied by men. And I, on heels, ride standing up. But the most disgusting is that sitting on the bench, guys still allow themselves to stare at me very unseemly way. Just extreme rudeness, I tell you.

So I, and not only I, of course, begin to learn to do everything by myself, from solutions of small everyday problems, to solving really huge ones. I live in a such way for a quite long time (at least a year), and understand: here I am, I can do everything by myself, earn money, travel alone, do my hobbies, look after myself...

And I met a man, in his age of 30-35 he already has a beer belly, allow himself to go unshaven and with outstretched knees of his pants, he could even still living with his parents, and travel abroad only for two times –  in Turkey and Egypt – by voyage waybill. However, they all see next to them a beautiful and well maintained woman, earning money by herself, and not dipping deeply in her purse, and, for God sake, not dipping in HIS purse, washing, cleaning, cooking, which is not against his gatherings with friends. She should somehow give a birth and brought up children but in a way he would be comfortable with...

The question is, why do I need a such men next to me in my life? .. After I learned to do a lot things by myself, yes, I would like to have a man who is a little bit of a following: earning no less than me, wants kids and willing to educate them. Apparently, I need to go to the bookshop and ask for a book from "Fantasy” section.

At the same time has any guy thought about how much effort and money we girls spend on our good look (and time-how much it goes!). It is very difficult to come from a work and do household, but also do hobby – we still have to have something to be interesting to them, and we must not ask them about some financial assistance.

It seems that man has a right to think so only because he is a man. They are also in a less amount than we are – we should cherish them. And the fact that we have already  take on ourselves a part of "male" social functions still pulling on all "female" functions - is not even discussed.

I once wondered in all came in our (NOTE: our = Russian) society. I think it's the echoes of war, when in villages only lonely males came back from theatre of WWII  (NOTE: the World War Second), and women were ready to kill each other in the struggle for even crippled men. Yes, probably, our grandmothers and mothers have contributed in their time to the current situation. But I can understand them too. In the 1990s, most suicides ware married men with children, and women had to be mom and dad.

Unfortunately we are not able to rewrite history, but somehow I do not want to live like this ...